To see......

As I look back over my blog, I see so many changes in myself, in Zaid, in our family, mostly good changes to our life. Growing, learning, bit by bit, more and more. Everyday, this is our life to learn from each other, to love each other, to go on, to exist in harmony with one another.

Yesterday, I went to guidance with Zaid at his school, (I was not exactly sure what it was, Zaid tells me about it a lot.) He is was teaching them yesterday how do deal with their angry emotion. He gave them situations and they sang a a song, when there is a problem, to look at it as a way to a solution. To not get "angry" with our fists up, but to "take a breath, push it down and count to ten." Then to find a solution to whatever we are having a hard time with. Invaluable lessons for a five year old to learn. Invaluable lessons for me to learn. Invaluable lessons that our society needs to learn.

Most days, I do not want to listen to the news, it is depressing and it makes me sad that this is our world, where killing and violence seems to be the answer to everything, but one day Tamer said for me to come and look what was on the news, this was it http://www.gothamist.com/archives/2007/01/03/details_about_t.php , and I had this overwhelming sense of the good in people. That there is good in everyone, even if we have to push to the end to see the good, it exists. It is out there. Kindness, empathy, compassion, love, patience, self-control....

Rain

"Mama, why does the rain fall, do we drink the rain?" me ~ "Umm, rain is dirty Zaid, we can't drink it from the sky?" "Mama, what is in rain?" me ~ "Salt." "Mama, is this where salt comes from?" me ~ "Zaid, I'm not really sure, we will look it up when we get home."

Now, me at 11:18 pm finally getting a chance to look it up for my tiny love. Looks like rain is different from area to area.

On a totally different note, my love for this beautiful light in my life is so strong, so fierce as only a Mother's can be. At times so sad and meloncholy that he grows more and more minute by minute and other times, completely happy and excited watching him grow.

The third thought, we read a book about mosquitos tonight, he was intriqued and wondered if the mosquitos go to Heaven, I said probably not, as we would not want bugs to bite us in Heaven. But I did tell him that I was not for sure if there were mosquitos in Heaven. In the end, he said there were.

Gingerbread, Baby!

Zaid and I worked on our first gingerbread house together on this weekend. We had so much fun!! We really got into the Christmas Spirit, we had Christmas music playing. I squeezed out the icing and Zaid put on most of the candy. Only eating part of each kind. :-) We made a pond out of peppermints and Zaid's favorite part was the gingerbread men on the front of the house, we glued (with icing) a gingerbread man on the roof. Zaid wanted to eat it so badly, he had been planning on eating it from the very beginning. As I began to work more, I did not want him to eat it. Then I said, "Sure, that's fine!!" He was so adorable eating on the side of the roof with his mouth. He loved it!!

Thoughts

Zaid asks me questions all of the time, that most five year olds do not ponder? A lot of time, I do not know the answer to his questions. He connects the dots, oh so well. Not much gets by him, he will call me on mistakes. I am not allowed to be hypocritical. He forgives easily though. If I tell him I am sorry, he says "Try not to do that anymore, Mama." And then he is done with it, while I am up at night wondering if I am sending him to years of therapy later on.

Zaid is unique. He is quirky. Zaid is puzzling. He is hard to read. He is giving and compassionate. He is Zaid. Maybe his name set him up for that, maybe his genes. He is not afraid to be different either. He revels in his difference.

Sometimes, I think about sending him to boarding school (mostly kidding) so that he gets an amazing education, and they can maybe answer his questions, about space, black holes, God, why people have certain reactions and life in general.

Zaid does not "connect" with just everyone he meets. He connects with a few and latches on. They will be forgiven of any wrongs they may commit. They will be loved and showered with attention by Zaid.

As a baby, Zaid always watched what was happening, then he might imitate it if he wanted to, if he saw no point to imitate the behavior, he just did not do it. In school now, he watches, he waits, I can not "force" any learning on him. He waits and then he masters the skill. Instantly. Almost overnight. (If it is a skill he wants to master, I'm not sure he will ever want his handwriting to be any better. :))

As he got older, if he says he is not going to do something. HE IS not going to do it. He will fight you tooth and nail, he is passionate about what he believes in (even though it may be candy, games, Batman, movies) right now.

I wonder if Zaid is a natural born leader? Will this skill serve him well? Will he succeed in this game we call life?

I wonder what he will be? A zookeeper? Someone who works with hammers? An artist?
(Right now, he wants to have art class (where he is the teacher) and he always says he is an expert. )

I can only pray for Zaid, and that my actions will be only in love towards him. That everything I do in life, my actions will be compassionate, kind, loving, patient.

Zaid is Zaid. Nothing more. Nothing less.
Zaid will not change for anyone, he wants to be accepted as he is.

Fall Days

Zaid and I played in the leaves today. We had a leaf fight, we laughed and laughed and laughed. We had so much fun. Then we came in, Zaid took a bath and ate a grateful dinner, looked over school work, homework and then we watched the Santa Claus 2. We watched the Santa Claus last weekend. And we are hoping to go the drive in this weekend and see Santa Claus 3. We had a really nice day. It was peaceful and fun!