I am going to California in less than two day, quite by accident. I had an emotionally draining week about a month ago, hmmm...who am I kidding every day is emotionally draining for me. I digress. Anyway, a friend sent me some pictures of her friend's who lives in LA. The mountains, the ocean and Santa Monica Pier. I called her and said "Let's go to LA tomorrow!" And so the search was on for tickets, unfortunately or fortunately depending upon how you look at it, we were not able to find tickets on a shoestring budget SOOOO......we scheduled the trip for a month later. The positive side of going a month later is that we have been able to really psyche ourselves up for this trip....we have countdowns and are just generally staying in tip top condition, with haircuts, pedicures and well, the likes of all that. I even cooked in the ultra bronze yesterday. I hate the smell of that. You would think that I would have the sense to not tan after my Mom has had skin cancer twice. What can I say, in the infamous words of my darling nephew once upon a time ago "Some people are stupid."
At one point, I saw a picture of LA and realized that ummm, this was not the California I knew. I only knew San Diego and I had fallen in love with the place, however for some reason I was thinking more of San Diego when we bought our tickets! I actually like more serene places like San Diego. But who am I to say I won't fall head over heels for LA, you never know.......
Someone said something tonight that really stuck with me, she said "If everybody likes you, then there is something wrong." That definitely hit home with me. That is all I have ever wanted anyone to do, is to like me. For the first time, I am realizing that it is okay if someone does not like me, I DON'T like everyone I MEET either. I have ALWAYS tried to please everyone, I am done, done, done, done, done. I can't make everyone happy. Another random thought, is that I have this awesome professor for my Literature class. I have had to miss a couple of days in there, she let me make up my exam and she was so super sweet about it, letting me take it when I was more prepared. Then today I had to give her the news that I would have to miss her class on Friday and I just told her the truth of it all. And again she was so understanding. Hmmmmm....a lot going on upstairs tonight....mainly I am just feeling so super-confident that it's okay to be me. I don't have to apologize a million times a day for myself. I do not have to live up to this image that I have of myself. It's okay to be less than perfect.
In other news, I bought a pair of canary yellow converses recently. :-) Also, another friend wants to "teach" me about music, so Tamer hopped onto www.buy.com and purchased an MP3 player for me. I think he got tired of me whining about an iPod.
OHHHHHHHH......yea for some reason I am on this SSSS list at the airport. I hadn't flown in five years until recently. Yea. It's quite lovely. They frisk you and go through your underwear while you watch. And everyone stares at you like you are going to try to do something on the plane. You just want to look at everyone and shake your head, "No, I'm not going to try anything on the plane, I promise." And then pinky swear or something like that. It's not so bad when you have suitcase full of nicely laundered clothes but when you are going back home, chances are all of your clothes are dirty and at that point you just feel bad for the attendant that has to go through your stuff.
Oh yea, in Nashville not only did I have do go through e'thing on the SSSS list, BUT some sort of sensor when off when it checked one compartment of my bag SO THAT made everyone look at me more. Did I mention I don't like people looking at me. It makes me uncomfortable. Yep. Hard for me to have conversations; I have come a long way though. I just remembered that I used to look at the ceiling and walls when I talked to people, I don't do that anymore, don't even remember when that happened.
One thing that I feel like recently is that I am free to be me again. I can just wear my little yellow shoes and sing my beatles song and not care what anyone else thinks. I can be real, not some sort of cookie cutter.
Stay tuned for more updates on LA and a blockbuster hit soon "Jan and Jen's Adventure" In Geekumentary form!
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